My Journey with Major Depressive Disorder: A Decade of Struggles and Growth

My Journey with Major Depressive Disorder: A Decade of Struggles and Growth

The Beginning: When Passion Started Fading

Looking back, my love for the arts and dancing was a big part of who I was. As a child, dancing was my escape—it made me feel alive. I was part of a cheerdance team in high school and later joined the college dance troupe. But in 2013, something changed. I suddenly lost the spark for dancing, as if my body had forgotten the moves I once loved. It wasn’t just a phase; it was the beginning of something I didn’t understand at the time.

Fast forward to 2016, I had just transferred from Goldenstate College to Gensan Doctors Medical School Foundation (both in General Santos City) when I finally sought professional help. After months of feeling lost, detached, and unmotivated, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and chronic anxiety. My doctor, Dra. Armada Psychiatrist from Specialist in General Santos City, explained that my condition wasn’t just sadness, it was a mental health disorder that required attention and care.

The Medication Struggle

Upon my diagnosis, I was prescribed medication to help regulate my emotions. While the medicine helped control my overthinking, it also made me feel emotionally numb. The highs and lows became muted, making it difficult to engage with life the way I used to. Studying became even harder, and I felt like I was simply existing rather than truly living.

Despite these struggles, I knew I had to fight back. I tried to reignite my passions by picking up a paintbrush again. I started creating handmade bracelets and spent my spare time sketching portraits of my classmates. Art became my therapy—a way to express what words couldn’t.

Family Struggles and Emotional Battles

One of the hardest parts of my journey was the lack of support from my family. When I finally opened up about my condition, my sisters dismissed it as “just drama.” They invalidated my feelings and overlooked their own lapses as my older siblings. Dra. Armada told me that emotional neglect and unresolved childhood experiences were significant factors in the development of my condition.

Their words and actions reinforced the feeling that I had carried for years—that I was alone and unwanted. I was even blamed for the death of our eldest sister, something that happened when I was only six years old. I was too young to process that grief, but unknowingly, it left a scar that shaped the way I saw myself. It took years for me to realize that I wasn’t responsible for something beyond my control, but the damage had already seeped into my mental health.

A Decade Later: Learning, Healing, and Moving Forward

Now, almost a decade since my diagnosis, I am still learning how to navigate life with MDD. The journey hasn’t been easy, and I still have moments where the shadows creep in. But over the years, I have learned to recognize my triggers and developed coping mechanisms to prevent major episodes.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that healing is not about forgetting the pain—it’s about learning how to live with it without letting it control you. It’s about acknowledging the past while choosing to create a better future.

If you’re struggling with depression, know this: You are not alone. It’s okay to ask for help, and it’s okay if some people don’t understand your journey. What matters is that you keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time.

Life doesn’t always get easier, but we get stronger. And every day you choose to fight, you are proving just how resilient you are. Keep going. Your story isn’t over yet. 💙

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